when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
