went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
