I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
