I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
