I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
