I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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