i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Life is so much better after having sex.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
