I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
