That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
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im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
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With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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