I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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