we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
