Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
