you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize