I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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