i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
