i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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