im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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