Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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