He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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