So drunk its hurt
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
