Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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