So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
