my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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