Your dad touched me again.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
