if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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