doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
