You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
