Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
