the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
