No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
