Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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