yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
