the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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