Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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