I'm gonna have a badass scar
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
