so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I deserve this hangover.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
