Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
