all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
