the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
