before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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