Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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