its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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