Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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