she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
