the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
