The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
