I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
