um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Holy sore nipples Batman
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
