nut hugger
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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