Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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