these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have feelings that need drinking.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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