I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize