so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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