it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Two words: blizzard sex
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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