Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
