Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
