i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
