Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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