my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
