I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
