Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
