Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
