At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
