it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
