Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
