No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You can't special order awesome
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
