If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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