I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just want nice things and good sex
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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