...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
