come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
