She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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