And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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