did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the condom got lost in my hair
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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