I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
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Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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