Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
